Trina's (Personal) Journal Entry 10

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To say that my life hasn’t been busy lately is an understatement.

Job is going great. Since we’ve been on this“safety” hiatus, I’ve been focusing on regional and upcoming bands both here in New Jersey and Philly.

The music industry has got some great talent out there. Its future is sealed...


Hopefully for some, luck, drive and above all prosperity will come their way.

It is well deserved. Some have very worked hard to get that appearance at the biggest club or at a smaller venue.

Then there’s Bon Jovi…..

And Jon…

Trying not to be neurotic, but writing this all down is helping my psyche. (hahahaha)

My feelings for him are becoming so strong. Forget about the rock star persona, my feelings are getting stronger for the man that he is.

Recently, while at the beach with Kendall and Richie, the four of us stumbled upon a homeless boy.

Named Toby, all of us found a connection to him. Especially Jon and I.

He’s eleven. Smart, athletic and absolutely hysterical. We found out later that his actual parents had abandoned him over a year ago on a street corner for no reason whatsoever.

As a result, he was being bounced around from foster home to foster home, with the last one deciding to use him as a punching bag.

Taking it upon himself to no longer take it, Toby decided that living at the beach was the way out. When we met him, he was looking for food in the trash bins…calling it 'treasure'. Hoping that if he brought it back, his birth parents would take him back no questions asked.

People are so cruel. He’s only a child. Never asked to be born. Holds no judgments. At least not yet. I just hope that whatever his parents told him at the street corner when they dropped him off never to return doesn’t harm him in the long run.

Toby begged us not to bring him back to Child Protective Services after he told us the truth. By then, his charm , the hurt his foster family inflicted on him, made us not want to ever give him up.

My parents were foster parents to Kendall, who was also abused as a child from her birth parents. To this day, as far as they’re concerned, they have two daughters….Kendall and myself. Because of that, Kendall and I understand completely the anxiety Toby is feeling.

Which brings me back to Jon. He’s so good with Toby. It’s fatherly. Whatever persona that I was worried about when this relationship began has been replaced by how good and strong of a person he is.

What i've learned about him is that whatever the risk or repercussions, he’ll take it. Right or wrong, good or bad…

He was going to risk his rock star reputation on being a foster parent to Toby.

CPS turned him down. Without hesitation. Without knowing what ‘he’ was like. Without knowing which was the real Jon. Was it the person who Toby loves to talk to about motorbikes and football? Or was it the rock star that everyone wants a piece of .

He was selfless. He didn’t tell anyone. He just did it. Why? Because of his genuine love for that boy. Toby and hopefully also me, bring out John Bongiovi. A gorgeous guy who does whatever it takes to do the right thing. It may not be what someone else would do, but he does it his way. I respect that enormously.

Too bad that more people don’t see that side of him. It’s a wonderful part of him. One that I love spending time with at every opportunity.

Thank god for Juanita, she's also is selfless. How great is a woman with two grown sons of her own, about to become a foster mother to Toby.... (Fingers crossed)

Jon's voice is back also. He’s working with a vocal coach named Katie Agresta who has helped many a rock star. His voice sounds a little different, but great. It’s a slightly deeper sound. Downright sexy. I love it.

We have until the end of the summer to prepare for Giants. Jon's voice needs to be in top form. So between writing and Jon's training, I’ve been spending most of my spare time with both he and Toby.

If you can believe this, Jon hasn't mentioned the music business in over a week. To be honest, it doesn't come up. Guess our mutual love of family, friends and other things we have in common far outweighs it…

We haven’t gone out officially yet. I haven’t mentioned it because of Toby. Toby now needs us more than some dinner out. Besides, I love the stolen kisses, the runs we take together and the make out sessions we have while the tv blares some late night flick after the craziness of the day is over.

Just taking all of this in one day at a time and as it comes.

Freefalling’s a great thing…

Trina's (Personal) Journal Entry 9

Why am I so neurotic? I should be happy.

It’s a beautiful day here in New Jersey.

My best friend is here and will be now working for the Bon Jovi organization.

And Jon and I? ….Well maybe that’s what’s making me so neurotic.

He has no voice right now. He’s gotten surgery and if (because he whispered earlier today) he continues to to stay silent for a few days more, he’ll be able to at least talk.

He looks better. He feels better.

But, I want to burn those spiral notebooks he brings with him to communicate with all of us. He is driving us all crazy with those things!!!

Did I write that we made out earlier this morning?

**checking back**

Guess I didn’t…

It was an involuntary response! ( I think?)

I was happy when I found out that Jon had hired Kendall to be a part of his team.

He was happy about the situation. I was too. And still am…

Next thing you know, Juanita walks in on Jon and I kissing in front of the bathroom.

And I was only wearing a towel…

Yep! That is all I’m saying about that…

After pushing forward to get to this point in my career for so long, I am now realizing just how much I had missed the company of men.

The way they touch, the way they feel against your body.

Touching his soft hair…the fur on his chest…

Okay Trina…Stop!!

He’s sitting here besides you at the beach reading and here you are fantasizing about his body parts.

I wanted to be so close to him earlier that I….became neurotic over getting on a freakin motorcycle!

And the drama continues...Trina

Trina's (Personal) Journal Entry 8

Have you ever been so mad yet at the same time so upset over someone or something that you can’t think straight?

I’m sitting here in a waiting room at Hershey Memorial Hospital writing this with those feelings.

They admitted Jon a few minutes ago because the tour doctor thinks he may have hemorrhaged his vocal cords.

I was awful to him…but you know…I was angry at him for being was shitty to me.

He woke up and couldn’t speak this morning so all I wanted to do is to help him out, but instead all myself, Obie and Richie got was a lot of shit and no thank you!

He’s been good to me and I wanted to return the favor.

Why after the conversations I’ve had with him where all of this sudden distrust comes from, I have no clue.

Hopefully, I’ve proven myself and just maybe he’ll realize that all of us care about him. A lot.

Jon has been apparently taking steroid injections for his voice for quite some time.

Richie told me a little while ago that he’s been taking them for a long time because he’s simply overused his voice.

“He doesn’t know when to stop.” Richie told me in the waiting room.

I remember when I first met them and how Jon was telling me how much everyone they depended on him and the tour dates to provide for their families.

But I can’t help but to think what happens if something were to happen to him? What would everyone do? What would he do? He lives and breathes music. It is and always will be a part of him.

I know he has other things he likes to do, but I can’t help but wonder what happens if he can’t perform anymore.

Maybe everyone’s right. Maybe he’s more upset at himself than at me. But what should I do?

How can I help him?

Juanita wants me to come with her when she and Jon go home to New Jersey. She thinks he’ll be happy to have the company for a while.

I can’t help wondering if he’ll want me around. What if he treats me even worse than he already has treated me?

I’ll go for her. I guess.

Wait and see… - Trina.

Trina's (Personal) Journal Entry 7

Oh my god. What did I get myself into?

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to tell Heather that I'd like to do the promos for the Giants shows due to Jon having to work on stuff.

What stuff Trina?....Think.....

You can't tell them right now that Jon has no voice. That will be put everyone into a panic.

Poor Jon....I knew something was wrong. He couldn't even move his neck last night after the show.

His voice hasn't been the same since that first sound check.

I don't know Doc well enough to even make a guess of what he'd do if he found out that Jon couldn't even speak.

Think Trina......What could Jon be doing? What would Jon normally be doing?

Hmmm....Maybe I could tell her that Obie needs him for logistics or something...That's it.

Oh my god...I knew something was wrong. I tried to ask Jon but he wouldn't tell me. I would have done anything to help him.


I know I'm a member of the press but I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my friendship with him. Friends first, writing subject 2nd!

He's been too good to me.

I pray he can sing. If he can get through tonight, then we can worry about Giant's later. Thank god Doc's away at a Motley Crue show tonight. I think we'd all get in trouble if this came out.

Paul will be too busy dealing with the last minute stuff for tonight's show to even notice. But, I gotta tell you, he really loves Jon. I wonder if we should tell him?''

Nah....Don't want too many people knowing. The less the better.

And Richie. I've got to get Richie up. I need him. He's such a great friend to Jon. His positivity will light up that television station. If he's there, then that's just as good as having Jon. Wonder why he's so tired?

Maybe he and Ally made up...

Where is Kendall when I need her?

This has to get better....

Journal Entry 6. (Rolling Stone)

Okay folks ever feel as if you’re on a rollercoaster that does not let you get off?

You twist and turn; you’re up, down sideways and then some?

Just when I think I have Jon figured out, I am slowly learning that being a lead singer is more about having more than one personality in a career where only one is demanded.

The hats he wears throughout the organization are diverse to put it mildly. We start our day looking (Well he doesn’t look at them I noticed) at the reviews of the previous night’s show.

Heather, Polygram’s publicist, Doc and Paul look for anything at this point that is positive with the performance, the sound, Jon’s interaction with the crowd, etc.

According to an office staff member, the management team no longer looks at reviews that solely focus on Jon or Richie’s looks. They also refuse to look at reviewers who seem to have a personal gripe with any specific band member or the band in general.

Heather after going through the reviews, contacts Polygram to begin the promotional machine for the next set of towns. Obie and Paul will also go over the night with Jon and find out what things need to be fixed or changed in time for the next show.

Obie, the unsung hero of the “Syndicate” will then take the info and run through it with the other road crew, knowing that Jon will not only meet with them later to go over any glitches in the system, but to also meet with Paul and other staff members regarding different safety issues, insurance and ordinances and bylaws they need to adhere to.

Once that happens, (by then Jon and I were on our 2^nd cup of coffee). We were whisked away to two different radio stations for promotional purposes.

Bleary-eyed and on the way to the first radio station, Jon is quiet and reserved. He looks out the windows of the car we’re in seemingly soaking in the surroundings.

I asked him what was he looking at and he simply replied. “Pittsburgh. This is the way I see a town.”

To be honest with their schedule the way it is, I understand what he’s talking about.

At the radio station, the DJ asked him about the shows, how the rest of the guys were and how album sales were.

Another personality comes up to the surface. Rock Star. He answers the questions with a smile and ease that very few can do.

Interview #1 ended-Now, we go to Radio Station #2.

He was so tired from the previous night’s performance, that by the time we all had a bite to eat and checked into the hotel, it was very early this morning.

He attempted to shake it off, but the famous blue eyes that were noted for projecting strength and empathy, were red, framed with dark circles. He took one good look at himself in the limo’s side mirror and promptly put on his sunglasses. Instant cover-up; rock style. Crisis diverted.

This DJ also rattled off questions that were almost exactly like our first stop. Though Jon handled it with a charm and a sense of humor, now after having listened to both interviews, “Rock Star” managed to set a tone for each interview that made them seem like two very different interviews.

When speaking to Obie about all of this, he explained to me that it astonishes him and the band on how well Jon handles nearly every aspect of his career.

At the in-store appearance this afternoon, one last personality came out. Fan.

Besides the typical teenage girls throwing themselves at Jon and the rest of the band members praying for marriage or just simply to say hi, there were teenage boys with a dream in their heart, itching to give Jon their own “Runaway.” Tape after tape was given to him. He smiled and seemed to be genuinely excited to talk shop with them for a bit before signing an autograph.

I asked him afterwards if he minded those kids giving him those tapes. He replied,

“Nope. Their tapes from their bands could be the next big thing. When the tour is over, I’ll listen to all of them. And if I can, I’ll help point them in the right direction.”

I couldn’t help but to be skeptical about him listening to the pile of at least 50 audiocassettes waiting for him in a duffle bag. He laughed and insisted that he would.

“Why?” I had to ask.

“Because I want to hear what could be next. Some of those tapes will be bad, but there will be others who easily can be here with us next tour. If that happens, I’ll be the first to help and support them.” He said.

Jon went on to tell me that he wished someone did that for him.

“Just one listen, one comment. A sign that as an artist I’m going in either the right or wrong direction. Should I stop or move forward? Recognition.” He said.

- More from the road soon….Trina.

Trina's (Personal) Journal Entry. 5

300 a.m-

Why the hell did Kendall have to leave? Dear God. I’m a ball of emotions in a spot where I could use her insight right now.

Jon’s voice went out. He was afraid that I’d put what I saw in my review.

I told him now that I wouldn’t, but also told him that I may in the future. He tried to hard to hit the high notes but his voice wouldn’t budge. Not one bit.

The band supported him 100% by strategically adding parts and changing arrangements to accommodate his voice.

I don’t care what he says. Something else is going on with his voice.

I’m truly concerned as a friend to ask him what’s going on, but I guess what I learned is when he’s ready to tell me, maybe he will.

Anyways after we got any feelings out over what I’d write and what he wasn’t going to say to about it, he and the guys prepared for the show.

He keeps to himself during this time. I wonder what he’s thinking? He mostly was playing his guitar and talking to his sound engineer, Obie O’Brien.

Obie is very funny. Very down to earth. It’s him and Jon’s assistant, Juanita McGregor that seem to make Jon feel the most at ease. Jon at this point needs them to get through the rest of this tour. Otherwise, I have a feeling he’d be a basket case.

Richie is also great person for Jon too. Loyal to the core, he never will let Jon or anyone else in that band down. To me, he is the band’s conscience and heart. If Jon breaks down, Richie will be right there to pick up the pieces for him. There is no question about that.

He, Jon and Obie seem like brothers, sharing secrets, an occasional laugh or two.

However it’s Jon that is the focus, their taskmaster, their hero. Whether he wants it or not, it’s a hard weight to be under.

But any doubts of how he feels magically leave when he’s on stage. He feeds off of the crowd’s energy. He’s jovial, centered and positive.

And he KISSED me. Before the show he kissed me. And I could literally feel the excitement and intensity brought to him by that crowd.

I counted the minutes until he walked off of the stage.

He told me that “Never Say Goodbye.” Was performed for me tonight. I drank in every word. Desperately wanting him to come back to me and kiss me like he had done before.

He did. Well, on the forehead, but only this time. I pulled back.

Why? Scared. He’s great. I don’t want to ruin what has been “so” great.

He’s a rock star that could have anyone. He doesn’t need someone like me who’s idea of a good is sitting at home and watching old movies while kicking back some pizza and beer.

Ally and Jon both told me during sound check earlier today that Dorothea was gone.

He was sad, but not. He felt good about the decision that was made between the two of them. To be honest, thank god. That was one last weight on his shoulders that he didn’t need.

I don’t know about my feelings yet. They are overwhelming and angering me at the same time.

Maybe I just need to focus like Kendall said. It’s going to be hard to do when Jon is as good-looking and as nice as he is. God give me strength…Please…Trina

Journal Entry 4. (1st Review for Rolling Stone/Philly Post

4 a.m.

Dear God, what a magical night the second night of the Spectrum was. The band proved that they were more than some flash in the pan. They did their normal standards that engaged the hungry crowd, however it was the last two songs of the night, “Prayer” and “Never Say Goodbye” that left the audience breathless.

Lead guitarist, Richie Sambora and Jon Bon Jovi did the unthinkable in a time where electric power chords and synthesizers ruled the land. They played both songs acoustically and beautifully to beat.

“Never Say Goodbye” was done in a brilliant lower arrangement. It brought both a soul and truth to a song that lately has been the ballad of proms and graduations. Hopefully now, new memories can be made of out this version as well.

The crowd was electric. Their positive energy could be felt from throughout the arena.

Jon took everything in. You couldn’t help it.

The more noise the crowd made, the more he fed into it, he was such a master that he brought my best friend Kendall onstage and danced with her, finally winning her over in the process.

He’s a special person. Jon had everyone on their feet from the time they got onstage singing “Wild in the Streets,” to their last song. “Never Say Goodbye.” Anyone going to Pittsburgh look them up, the ride continues-Trina.