Trina's (Personal) Journal Entry 8

Have you ever been so mad yet at the same time so upset over someone or something that you can’t think straight?

I’m sitting here in a waiting room at Hershey Memorial Hospital writing this with those feelings.

They admitted Jon a few minutes ago because the tour doctor thinks he may have hemorrhaged his vocal cords.

I was awful to him…but you know…I was angry at him for being was shitty to me.

He woke up and couldn’t speak this morning so all I wanted to do is to help him out, but instead all myself, Obie and Richie got was a lot of shit and no thank you!

He’s been good to me and I wanted to return the favor.

Why after the conversations I’ve had with him where all of this sudden distrust comes from, I have no clue.

Hopefully, I’ve proven myself and just maybe he’ll realize that all of us care about him. A lot.

Jon has been apparently taking steroid injections for his voice for quite some time.

Richie told me a little while ago that he’s been taking them for a long time because he’s simply overused his voice.

“He doesn’t know when to stop.” Richie told me in the waiting room.

I remember when I first met them and how Jon was telling me how much everyone they depended on him and the tour dates to provide for their families.

But I can’t help but to think what happens if something were to happen to him? What would everyone do? What would he do? He lives and breathes music. It is and always will be a part of him.

I know he has other things he likes to do, but I can’t help but wonder what happens if he can’t perform anymore.

Maybe everyone’s right. Maybe he’s more upset at himself than at me. But what should I do?

How can I help him?

Juanita wants me to come with her when she and Jon go home to New Jersey. She thinks he’ll be happy to have the company for a while.

I can’t help wondering if he’ll want me around. What if he treats me even worse than he already has treated me?

I’ll go for her. I guess.

Wait and see… - Trina.